Tax Season

As a dual citizen I have the pleasure of returning from an amazingly sunny California weekend to the absolutely craptacular task of filing two tax returns. According to Canada Revenue Services I am considered a "factual resident" because I have the residential tie of a bank account. However, that account only exists to pay off student loans because, despite the fact that Canada is heralded as one of the leaders in global telecommunications and online services, the government cannot accept student loan payments from foreign accounts.

This data fragmentation coupled with my own incompetence in translating Canadian tax diction ensures that my true identity and place of residence will never be known by any one government. I AM JASON BOURNE.