CanMeriDa

Both Canada Day and American Independence Day reinstate an age-old tradition of drunkenness followed by the age-old tradition of a morning shot of aspirin with an orange juice chaser. In my days spent recovering, I've been trying to find a meme that sets Canadians and Americans apart. Handsome B. Boyfriend is spreading a rumor about a drop bear-like fictional animal for Canadians to share, but it isn't catching on. I've decided I'm more proud of the West Coast cities I identify with (both in Canada and the US) than I am of either nation as a whole. Imagine if cities were to take up arms and defend themselves. San Franciscans would be solely defended by CEOs on wake boards and BMW motorcycles. It would be the only city with more war correspondents than soldiers. Vancouverites would employ assassins in Lululemon ninja attire to pour vats of piping hot Starbucks onto unsuspecting rivals. And Victorians would sink the BC Ferries, fill their coolers with pies and cured meats, and kayak like hell up the Georgia Straight in the belief that dying in the ocean would be a vast improvement to surrendering to those smug Vancouverites. It would be over in a few days, at which point we'd realize that a "true patriot" is just someone who tries their best regardless of the situation. Ah CanMeriDa...