Halakhah: The path that one walks
When I was 20, two girlfriends and I drove down to Hermosa Beach where they made me, a shikse, an honourary Jew for a day. It was good I read all that Primo Levi and Elie Wiesel, plus my rage against the machine fit well with the Zionist movement. We drove past the Spelling mansion, stopped at the Hustler Store (where I knocked over a display of anal beads), and ate at Kanter's Kibitz room where I went pee in the same toilet that Jacob Dylan peed in. Being a Jew is not too far off from being a Japanese Buddhist. You get to nervously make fun of your elders, while secretly revering and loving them. Your parents teach you how NOT to trust Anglo-Americans and how to feel guilty for everything. Also, there are certain things like the holocaust and the a-bomb that are still extremely off-limits for sarcasm.
I guess anyone who isn't a full-blown Christian is easy to relate to. Things to do on Christmas while the "Others" are busy:
- Go golfing - the course is almost always free and none of those goys and gaijins will be there to sandbag you
- Put mighty mites and whistling dixies in mandarin oranges- Is it Halloween or New Years? Us savages enjoy fire hazzards all year round.
- Round up your Punjabi friends and have a bhangra tailgate party at the Catholic Church's parking lot. (see here for downloads)
- Watch the Aloha Bowl- Pearl Stadium in Honolulu boasts roid monkeys smashing each other while a man in a striped shirt gesticulates over a brown ball. Then we eat kosher hotdogs or plain nigiris. You don't have to be Christian to be a red-neck.
- Call all your Christian friends when you are tripping balls on ecstacy and tell them that you have just had a threesome with the hottest Muslims ever. Be sure to use the word "Ramadan" in all sorts of lude ways.
- Begin planning for "our" New Year, because while Todd and Rod are celebrating their "Christ-mas", I can really get down to business with my 15-day celebration of lanterns, red-bean soup, and lychee nuts. Stupid Todd and Rod, my people are way older than your people. 2005- bah, freaking infants.