Why I look like a Terrorist...

So airport security may go on strike. Big deal. Those bastards make me take my shoes off and open my bag every freaking time.

• Here I am in Honolulu, with my anthrax-filled tilley hat and my hair dryer shaped bomb.
• Because here I am in Durban, with my anthrax-filled sandal and my Deet shaped bomb.
• Because here I am in Las Vegas with my anthrax-filled pajamas and my visor shaped bomb.
• Because here I am in Houston with my anthrax-filled jube jubes and my headphone shaped bomb.
• Because here I am in Taipei with my anthrax-filled Purell and my Gravol shaped bomb.

I must look extra clever and shifty, I think it's the slanty eyes. It was obvious they'd check me in New York...a poor Asian travelling to New York as a tourist? I wouldn't buy it either. But seriously, I'm useless with a box-cutter. My job on moving day is to go get Wendy's.

If I were to plot a terrorist attack, I would send a fat, bald, White guy in red jams and a BUM equipment hoodie and right at the last second he would snap his Churo in half to reveal anthrax, SARS, and avian flu. And all the people of colour would whoop, "Yes, thank God he's not one of ours!" Homosexuals and Jews would hold their breath for the authorities to ID.