No Contest: Coding the Language of Love

This morning a friend forwarded an email containing a contest to choose SF's sexiest programmer. She attached a concerned note that read, " Keep an eye on your man." I stared quizzically at a photo of today's man-boy coder in his ironic mutton chops and safety goggles.

I've got nothing to worry about, and this is why.

The final phrase in the article reads, "Ladies start your hard drives." I thought to myself, "Is this a hard love reboot? Are they installing a new boyfriend program? Do their libidos need a security update?" This got me thinking about why so many programmer to non-coder couples fail. My belief is that a large number of relationships end with semantic differences.

Let's break down the problem:

• If: People who are angry or emotionally charged exaggerate;
• And If: Coders tend to focus on minutiae because it is often small bugs that threaten their work;
• Then: Hyperboles are corrected, the argument is rendered false and all parties agree to dissolve the apartment.
• Else: One way to make a coder concede on the spot is to brain scramble him/her with obscure, yet classical, reference points. But after a quick trip to Wikipedia, the argument resumes.

Whitehouse Dot Gov

Words as Weapons...

On Tuesday we met a guy who used the word, "lumpen proletariat" in a veiled attempt to dominate conversation and exclude outside input. Then today Rolf told me that the type of sweater worn by the Cosby Show's Theo Huxtable is the "Coogi." I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect that neither the actor who played Theo, nor a real proletariat, would ever use either of these words.

CES, Vegas and Diana Ross

I was in Vegas to help pitch Last Gadget Standing. Everything went well, and there were even some non-tech celebrities at the events including Dr. Dre, Stevie Wonder, Souljah Boy, the Counting Crows and Diana Ross. My colleagues made me angry when they besmirched the name of Diana Ross and wanted to see Counting Crows instead.

The Top 5 Reasons Diana Ross is better than the Counting Crows and everyone else in the entire world:
5. The Supremes: Ross was the signature female vocalists to build up Motown Records and establish Detroit as a musical mecca. She lead the first all-Black female singing group.
4. Lady Sings the Blues: Ross played Billy Holiday in Lady Sings the Blues and was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar at the Academy Awards. Her rendition of Strange Fruit kills me every time.
3. She Invented Disco: I'm Coming Out, Do You Know Where You're Going To and Upside Down. Not only is Ross a disco force to be reckoned with, but she's also the inspiration behind every 80's UK dance mix and gay anthem.
2. Imitation: Diana Ross is the original Dream Girl. If it weren't for Ross, Jennifer Hudson would not have an Oscar, celebrity drag queens would only feature Cher and Gloria Estefan, and Michael Jackson would have no real direction for his plastic surgery.
1. The 60's: Where Did Our Love Go, Baby Love, Stop! In the Name of Love, I Hear a Symphony, You Can't Hurry Love, Someday We'll be Together, You Keep Me Hanging On and my wildly inappropriate childhood favorite, Love Child. OH SNAPS!

Separation of Tech and Mom

If you're here from my Mashable article you probably want to be at my tech blog, Villagers with Pitchforks. Please feel free to start a flame war there, I relish the attention.

I started this blog 3 years ago when I moved to a strange city and didn't want to call my mom every night. You can start a flame war here if you want, but my Mom's an ESL teacher and can verbally karate chop you to shit. Her most potent Pokemon is shame.

For this reason, I will never be as handsome and successful as Pete Cashmore. Le sigh.