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February 28, 2005

Talk Nerdy To Me

Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.

Despite all the looking for work, uber yoga, and self-reflection, not to mention today's decision to stop smoking, I still find time to mail romantic links to my sweetheart. God, I am such a fresh catch.

In turn, Mr. Incredible mails me links about robots, pharmaceuticals, and all sorts of things that clever people are interested in. If this were a hentai, he would be a bright-eyed rabbit boy, and I would be a senile leg-humping collie.

The Dr. Phil random Quote generator via

February 25, 2005

Why a good man is good to keep

  1. He likes the cut of your jib and lets you know it by telling you to your face, cupping your butt, and making you pumpkin pie.
  2. He thinks about you, not Angelina Jolie, while in the shower...and other places while naked.
  3. He knows your rants are psychotic episodes, but decides not to suggest chlorpromazine or nefazodone because he knows that the blood clots and blockage of dopamine will put an end to your unique brand of wacky.
  4. He never makes it feel like a chore to be with you.
  5. He would build a time machine and not a robot of you if you died.
  6. *Because you love him back.

**Links to Cheese Site:

February 24, 2005

Why Neo-Nazis have no place in the Lower Mainland

1. They spend most of the day eatting lunch as their rice doesn't stick together and they try to eat each individual grain with a fork.
2. They hate Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus - all people you must chit chat with while eagerly awaiting your personal venti skinny chai latte.
3. They have no sense of zeitgeist as they only use white-made products, so compact cars, television sets, computers, and vibrators are completely out of the question.
4. They cannot walk in areas that sound "injun" or ethnic, such as "Kitsilano", Chinatown, etc; however, they ironically, can hangout in Richmond and Surrey.
5. All other groups with the name "pseudo", "neo", or "quasi" in it must be composed of angry university graduates - and I sincerely doubt that liberal westcoast education is a component of essential nazi living.
Article on Nazi's and Applebee's

February 21, 2005

Da To

-Mandarin with direct English translation, "Big Head".

Friend's boyfriend has one of the largest melons I've ever seen. I myself being a head conoisseur, and an Asian, I know what it is to have the severe neck cramps of the cranially endowed. But that sucker, that was round, voluptuous, with blonde wisps. It was like Ahab seeing Moby Dick breaching on the horizon. Magnificent yet uncanny. Jesus.

Site on giants (who I assume had big heads)

Etiology of Large Heads

Definition of Etiology
    1. The study of causes or origins. Example: I am extremely interested in the tribal etiology of your unfortunate melonic genes, but grandma keeps asking about the lunar eclipse, so sit the fuck down.


Still in Van, still waiting to hear on that job. Spoke to a friend last night who is having a rough time with a break up and a looming need for immediate drastic changes given life in parent's house and recent graduation. Jesus, no one is really that sorted right now, but hey, it sure beats a kick in the teeth. Have been completely honest with others looking for help and have simply stated that I myself am not even in a great place, so to be expected to be numero uno in the advice department is a bit unrealistic. Excited to meet new boyfriend of old pal, and am doing layout contract, which is a bit of a snore, but it's nice to resurface with old friends. Will post links when I begin to branch out; however, for now, it's all about me...and sweetheart tender chicken nugget.

February 20, 2005


Have ventured from the sleepy City of Victoria back home to visit friends, family, and complete a contract. Good to see familiar faces and be in a place where I can drive faster than 30km. Went to a Chinese New Year party that an aquaintance from the magazine world was holding. Stuffed myself into a Chinese dress that was 2 sizes too small and said aloud, "goddamn you skinny Chinese bitches." Went to old friend's house with dress zipper undone, listened to his self-composed music. Am convinced he has muppet genes. Saw the ex, a gruff version of his former lovable self, marveled at how we grow old. Collapsed on girlfriend's sofa to a symphony of cats, awoke to a homemade latte. Perfection. Nice to take vacation on old stomping grounds. Will go back into Vancouver for contract tommorow, damn happy that I've got something to sustain me for a little while. Sincere hopes that the people from the interview liked me better than I thought they liked me. Miss sweetheart and wish his boney legs would rub next to mine in bed. Change is in the air. Optimism rules, pessimism drools.

February 17, 2005


In relation to last post: Am extremely glad to have great people in my life, including friends, family, and of course super sweetheart Mattimus Prime. Inventory-wise everything is in check. Onward and upward.

Tales From the Belly of the Beast

Whenever I talk to the sweetheart I feel better about the world. It's good to have someone whose optimism is resilient under pressure. It didn't hurt that I got an email from the Mayor today as well. Good times.
Will continue plugging away with resumes, and will continue to earn my time in the cauldron of chaos. Micheal Broughton said, "The world is a tournament between stupidity and imagination." Experiencing life as a gay man outside of San Francisco or Vancouver, I believe he knows what it is like to fight an uphill battle.
Something interesting in the newspaper: A tenant of a building that suddenly engulfed in flames was charged with murder after the Saanich Volunteer Fire Department found a body within the home. After seeing the tenant's name, I believe he may have been a former client and difficult one at that. It is sad because he has a severe mental illness and it has been extremely hard to help him.

February 16, 2005

Memory Lane: My High School

People with Cruel Parents

  1. Anita Mann - unfortunate exchange student
  2. Andres Yu
  3. Mike Cox
  4. Jan Chan- rhymes
  5. Mr. Beaton- with Scottish accent he pronounced it Master Bating

Cruel Highschool Nicknames

  1. Gail the Whale
  2. Muffy-re: pubicare
  3. Spanky-masterbation & a Yearbook
  4. Two-bucks- a construction site, a need for bus fare, & oral sex
  5. Fire crotch
  6. Half-a-beera Mira
  7. Freak & Skid- used interchangably for the poor kid
  8. Eczema Warrior Princess

The Second Coming & Murphy's Fucking Law

So my hair was done, I was ready to go, I read the website, I knew what to say, my portfolio was together, I even had coins for the meter. I leave my house so that I had a half hour to find the place once I get there, and there I am staring at a construction site and the playhouse. Fuck! Call my old work assistant and he tells me I need to be on the 600 block and not the 1600. I have 5 min. I am late. I call them - this doesn't look good. I get in, sweating from having run 3/4 of a mile in a full suit, portfolio in tow, and hair like I've just stepped off of a helicopter. Fuck! I have no idea what they wanted, or if I'm in, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that fun for them. I need this job, and it is not a life or death matter, but it's pretty fucking close now. They didn't even look at my 30 lb portfolio. Jesus Christ. Well, there's nothing I can do but wait. This would be a good time to find religion. Fuck me. Why do I decompose in these cases when it's my life we're fucking with and yet I can completely maintain when I need to help organizations, CEO's, other people? FUCKKKKKKK! It pisses me off that I choke like this when I know what I need & I know that I can do this.
Here is part of a little ditty by W.B.Yeats. Leave it to the Modernists to make the insignificant ramblings of a suburban trashette seem significant and terrible:

The Second Coming
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all convictions, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.

Ah Yeats, why is it that melancholy assholes such as yourself can get jobs? I am, or at least was, a damn decent writer, and yes, I am beginning to lack conviction in my own abilities. Fuck, damn, shit, ass, cockknocker - at least my vocabulary has not suffered, though my ego is beaten to a pulp.

February 15, 2005

Ghost in the Shell vs Electronic Typewriter Girl

I watched Ghost in the Shell 2 two nights ago. Did you know that according to Masamune, the driver sits on the right side of the car? And that they speak Japanese in the future? And that things like dismemberment are not quite as bad when you are looking through a cybernetically modified lens? This future looks scary...all the people who've been brutalised by systemic degradation and sexual exploitation will have their ghosts inhabit bot bodies and upon confrontation will rip open their flesh to reveal a puzzle-like shell that will immediately clatter open and send out a small explosion leveling all those in its path. "Dai- suke desu", they say, and when no one helps them, they help themselves. Women are MAD and they aren't gonna take it anymore.
This is a completely different reading than the one my sweetheart had I'm sure, him being a self-taught programmer from the age of eleven. So it's 2005, and give or take a few months, he was programming in 1994? I was losing my virginity, drinking in fields, and learning how to drive. Jesus, I told you my friends are brilliant. Wow! It's like in "Cranium" he has always been on the fast track, and I am rolling green everytime. Excellent, I have aligned with a prodigy...and I am the firestarter?
In any case, if you want to email Sensei Masamune (not his real name by the way), or if you are a ludite writer in a cottage industry such as myself, you can snail mail him at: Mr. Masamune Shirow c/o Seishinsha Co., Ltd. Shinkosan Building 710 1-13-38 Hishi-honmachi Nishi-ku, Osaka-shi T550, Japan.
* Please write in Japanese-it is the language of the future. (Dictionary link below)

February 14, 2005

Chicken & the Egg

I am afraid. Am very afraid. In the last 6 months, more than half of my friends have lost jobs, quit jobs, or left school and are looking for work. I am 26 years old. I have serious debt to reconcile, and my friends are brilliant people. My second degree is long finished, I have a closet full of suits, can even be charming to strangers - that is the case with my friends also. So what is the problem? I just don't want to die alone in my house, twisted in chataranga yoga stance, with one functioning falopian tube dropping shriveled little raisin eggs, and my only remaining unread emails being, "warning, your resume with careerclick will be deleted". Ahhhhh! I'm fucking furious! Our mothers were right. We should've been lawyers, & doctors!To top this all off, my old workplace is weary to let me photocopy work for my portfolio as they feel it is sensitive ie. they still haven't read any of it and never will. It's fucking media relations! It's public property fuckwits. K fine, this looks like a journal entry. Here's your freaking links you insensitive bastard:
For music etc-
To run away to the circus-

February 13, 2005

St. Confucious & the Chocolate Covered Lion

Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I am rejuvenated, have a brilliant sweetheart, and have gorged on all the best food. Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year at the same time! MSG and chocolate!

2 Places to meet like-minded coffee buddies:

*Try a public place first, then move from there.

February 12, 2005


Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.
Fucking technology. Finally know how to upload photos after 2 freaking weeks.

February 11, 2005

I found an English proverb that said, "What's the use in running when you're on the wrong road?" I'd rather be happy to wake up in the morning and looking for something, then staying in bed with everything I have, sad but true. Moving is growing, is evolution, is learning, is better.

In Hoffman's "Sandman", the main character realises that the love of his life is an automaton. He says, "I looked into her eyes, and saw that they were my own." Can you imagine readers in Medieval Germany even knowing the definition of automaton? The Industrial Revolution is still centuries away. Even before the idea of robots, they knew ennui. Bastards like Sartre and Nietzsche solidified it so that we would ALL know. Thanks very much. We now know the banality of life. Why'd you bother?

Whenever I'm down I look to the "I Have A Dream" speech and other gems, and know that there are people who believe in divine mysteries and in the pursuit of happiness - a much better spin than "nothing matters," or "humans make me nauseas." We are humans. I've never known any different to compare it.

February 10, 2005

Promisary Notice

There are a few promises I can make. I promise to stop writing this as a diary and start writing things that are useful or will appropriate accordingly.

Inner Circle

General MacArthur said, "There is no security on this earth, only opportunity." Although I am not a Westpoint man, and although I have never actually been an inciting agent for insecurity, I recognize the sentiment.

I took a test today to show my abilities as a writer and critical thinker. I think I did well. Before the test I emailed a woman I met through a non-partisan political school and told her about losing my job. She is a lifecoach for female politicians and wrote back saying, "Everything you need is within your inner circle. All you have to do is access it." Very Yoda-esque. Then she gave me the name of a politician as a reference.

Whoa! I have a politician in my inner circle? I thought all my friends were hippies and techies! Brilliant. It was actually one of my "hippie" friends that got me the interview test in the first place. It is wonderful when those in the inner circle get the success they deserve - essentially they come back to polish the sphere. For a while I was feeling like the smudge on the orb. Und now, let's reminisce on the high school inner circle via the Tommy Chong experience:

February 09, 2005

Hard Labour & Recycling Self

I lost my job yesterday as the master spindoctor representing the down-and-out. There are no hard feelings about this as money will move from administration to client services. Essentially the homeless will have more shelter, housing, and healthcare - I really can't argue with that. Being "let go" is the disturbing part. I've never been "let go" before. A neighbour in Taiwan once told me that I'd "let myself go", but that was an entirely different circumstance. I mean the world was ending, I had to gain weight to even consider survival post-Apocalypse. It was Y2K!

All this job hunting makes me think of Amiri Baraka, no wait Leroi Jones, no wait Imamu Amiri Baraka. From Black Mountain poet, to Beatnik, to Hippie, to Muslim, to Black Civil Rights Leader - this man is a great self-recycler and a wonderful example of how to survive and not lose your mind.

Leroi and I want a world where people are hired for their enthusiasm and not their contacts. Leroi and I want to build a calculator where passion and commitment are tactical returns on investment. Leroi and I have soft old bodies and sharp minds. Leroi and I liked carrying bullhorns and picket signs. Leroi (not I) is sad the cops don't care about him no more.

February 08, 2005

Pseudo-Nymph: Perception is Reality

PR is not meant to be a dirty game, but because of the industry's reputation, people sometimes want us to do bad things ie. basically all of the things they get the marketing guys to do but in legitimate publications, rather than on bus stops or bathroom stalls. A friend of mine, out of frustration with all things government, has developed the pseudonym S.J., radical feminist crusader. Look for S. in upcoming letters to the editor.

February 07, 2005

Genesis 1.1: The Original Mover & Shaker

So this is what...this will not be about rants or petty rivalries, nor will it be about pissing contests between absolute strangers. You will never see things like "George Bush: madman or genius?" as this is not a Gr. 9 language proficiency test and I think it is safe to say that guys like Michael Moore and Noam Chomsky can handle themselves in the arena of Bush. (Eww Noam Chomsky handling bush.)
Hiyaa doesn't know what it wants to be yet, but damnit when it figures that out, it will be gooood. Winston Churchill once said, "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it." Well, I 'm not nearly as pompous as all that, but in all honesty, I'd like history to have a bit of perversion, humility, and sincerity. Canada, I am putting my spindly Jap shoulder to the wheel.

A flying roundhouse axekick to absolutes