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March 28, 2005

Love never fails.- Corinthians 13.8

Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.

Had a wonderful weekend with my sweetheart, feasting on Easter turkey, chicken burritos, and Cadbury cream eggs. Given that this is JC's big day, was wondering -How do Christians meet their love match to be brought over for family functions etc?


As expected, I scanned a great deal of ramblings regarding Christian rock, "my God is an awesome God," and so forth; however, Eureka - look at who I came across.

While most did not post pictures, Chrome here cleverly cornered the market as the only attractive Black foreign man interested in 3D animation. Notice tropical paradise in background.

Dear God: Why can't this guy get a date? Are all of his teeth gold? Does he insist on wearing a clear pvc mini skirt? Were you being experimental and gave him 6 asses?

March 24, 2005

Why I look like a Terrorist...

So airport security may go on strike. Big deal. Those bastards make me take my shoes off and open my bag every freaking time.
  • Here I am in Honolulu, with my anthrax-filled tilley hat and my hair dryer shaped bomb.
  • Because here I am in Durban, with my anthrax-filled sandal and my Deet shaped bomb.
  • Because here I am in Las Vegas with my anthrax-filled pajamas and my visor shaped bomb.
  • Because here I am in Houston with my anthrax-filled jube jubes and my headphone shaped bomb.
  • Because here I am in Taipei with my anthrax-filled Purell and my Gravol shaped bomb.

I must look extra clever and shifty, I think it's the slanty eyes. It was obvious they'd check me in New York...a poor Asian travelling to New York as a tourist? I wouldn't buy it either. But seriously, I'm useless with a box-cutter. My job on moving day is to go get Wendy's.

If I were to plot a terrorist attack, I would send a fat, bald, White guy in red jams and a BUM equipment hoodie and right at the last second he would snap his Churo in half to reveal anthrax, SARS, and avian flu. And all the people of colour would whoop, "Yes, thank God he's not one of ours!" Homosexuals and Jews would hold their breath for the authorities to ID.

March 23, 2005

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.

While sick I watched the film, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and think the premise is retarded. Even I've never lost a guy in 10 days and I'm not even close to Kate Hudson, hell I'm not even close to Goldie Hawn. Below are a few ways I'd win that stupid bet (in 10 days or whenever):

1. Constantly substitute his sister's name with, "skank".

2. Every kiss is a Nair moustache depilatory kiss.

3. Invite him over to watch"The Rock", then direct him to

4.With panicked look tell him you're late, then cackle, "just practicing."

5.Slip him half a dozen Ativans then send him via water taxi to a remote Gulf Island reserve where he must stand before a self-governed Aboriginal tribal court.

March 22, 2005

Sick as a Dog

"Ohh...that must've been why she's been so oppressive and scary," say the bookish government workers as they scuttle across the ancient tiles of the Pepto-Bismol palace. (Check out this website, it makes me want to crap myself laughing and puke at its putridness all at the same time)
Yes, I'm sick as a dog, and thought perhaps I'd look up the etymology of "sick as a dog"; however, the word detective gave me nada.
Some people (usually men) become these victimized losers when they are sick. I on the otherhand, am perfectly fine but manage to make it miserable for all others around me. I leave huge soupy wads of snot on telephone mouthpieces and I love coughing on old people and babies. If any of you remember Leona Helmsley, that's who I aspire to be while sick. While healthy I am on a covert mission of outward pleasantry and inward screaming.
When sick I just want comfort foods- no not the bland lifeless foods of YOUR people (ie. chicken noodle soup), but REAL comfort food, like tempura miso udon, chawan mushi, or seafood congee. The crap thing about this island is that while many imitate, few can replicate anything delicious or savory for the homesick. I am settling for Dad's specialty -beef and potato chunky soup. Someone will pay for this as well.

March 20, 2005


Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.

Ah here we are, emotional weather report, fucking hungover and staring into the dread of a Sunday...will work on sorting out life once stop spewing bile. The playwright Bertolt Brecht once said, " Something ignoble, loathsome, undignified attends all associations between people and has been transferred to all objects, dwelling, tools, even the landscape itself." Good observation asshole.

Have stumbled upon Chuck Palahniuk Cult site. I enjoy the comics.
However, have decided not to join list as am afraid that I have the type of personality that would enjoy going mano-e-mano with remedial meat puppets in elaborate "Fight Club" scenario. Ah the banality of Sundays.Ah Paul Simon (or should I call you Al), I will be your bodyguard.

March 19, 2005

Clowns of the Velt

Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.

I remember watching the blue wildebeest sommersault down the rock face, sweating and huffing,egging on the others in an Afrikaan animal pissing contest.The wildebeest is the clown of the velt- fine during the day and a jackass come dinner time.

Working for the government makes me feel a bit like that- like they let me squeak in there- posing as one of the safari animals. I like the people I work with. I like the job itself. Is this what it feels like to sell out? Somehow I doubt feels like I've just gone through a 30 min mutual break up session with someone I don't, goodbye non-profits, I sincerely wish you all the best.(Maybe I'll email you a birthday card/online donation)

Two years ago I would've been disappointed with myself because to get this job would've meant I had lied. I was honest and I got it. Normal isn't bad after all.

*Also, CBC Radio 3's last issue is up. I guess everyone's moving on. Damn, ladies and gentlemen, the death of independent Canadian music. (I blame the Kits Pub.)

March 09, 2005


"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both, And be one traveler, long I stood, And looked down one as far as I could."-Robert Frost
  1. I got a job today. Not one where I yell infront of people or criticise others, but a proper job wearing proper clothes with a proper budget etc.
  2. Having been out of the loop ever since I got to this rock(and not owning television), I didn't find out until last night that the father of gonzo journalism, Mr. Hell's Angels, Hunter S. Thompson died two freaking weeks ago. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on. Also, mom just sent me dad's resume to review. Hmm, sobering reality.

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. "-Hunter. S. Thompson

March 08, 2005

A Brief Herstory in Time

Happy International Women’s Day! Today is celebrated by the United Nations and various global women’s groups. It is the story of women as makers of history; and is rooted in the centuries-old struggle of women to participate in society on an equal footing with men. In ancient Greece, Lysistrata initiated a sexual strike against men in order to end war; during the French Revolution, Parisian women calling for "liberté, equalité, fraternité" marched on Versailles to demand suffrage; during the beginnings of industrialism, more than 15,000 female NYC garment workers marched in protest of the death of 140 others in the Triangle Shirt Company fire; during WW1, groups of Russian women held regular strikes until the Czar abdicated and the provisional government granted women the vote.

My Herstory: In 11th Century Japan, as the Taira (or Heike clan) struggled to maintain control over the capital, shogun Minamoto Yoritomo (with the Genji clan) collected daimyo allegiance and an incredible army as he crept east across the countryside. The biwahoshi commisioned to chronicle the civil war was Lady Murasaki. Murasaki’s “Tales of the Genji” continues to be recognized as one of the foremost pieces on feudal Japan. The battle at Mikusa became a definitive piece in Japanese history as the Genji stormed the Heike's seaside fort by sliding down a seventy-foot cliff on horseback thus ending the battle for Japan…and for once, it was written from a female historian’s perspective, then I think she put the rice on.

Links for services for women:
Vancouver Status of Women
Status of Women Canada
Women Net Directory

March 07, 2005

What's the Deal with GLBT?

2 years ago I worked on the Transgender Day of Remembrance. On average, 4 trans people are murdered per month in North America. Many are sex trade workers, many are drug addicts. There are so many arguments:
  1. Four isn't that many, in relativity to the hundreds of others who are killed.
  2. Being deceitful to Johns is a terrible thing and of course these men are going to lash out, they don't even use their real names.
  3. These people need psychological assistance, it's a shame they lost their lives, but what do they expect?

People, fucking riddle me this- how are you gonna justify murder? Is there a trans militia threatening your families? Or are you just a bunch of red necks who would murder someone if there were no consequences?

Transphobic and homophobic is racist, sexist, ableist, elitist, etc. It is fundamentalism, fanaticism, and terrorism. If you are against gay marriage, then you are against gays- and that means that you do not believe that "every individual is equal before and under the law and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law without discrimination". It's called the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. (Umm, it's our constitution) Maybe if you'd forced all of us to recite this instead of the Lord's Prayer, you wouldn't be such a treasonous lout.

RE: Medical Comments. Here are the latest comments on the anti-gay marriage campaign that is sweeping the nation. These factoids are excellent:

  • "Essentially all surveys show the number of homosexuals to be only 1-3% of the population. The pressure for introducing same-sex marriages comes from a very small section of society.' - Hmm, the pressure to stop the use of depleted uranium in landmines also comes from a small section of society, perhaps we should bring this to the attention of the United Nations.

The Institutional Up-skirt

Spoke to a supposed Visa rep who wanted to "confirm a charge". She asks me a barrage of questions to which I reply, "Why do you want to know?"
"You don't trust me?"she asks with a chuckle. "Why should I?" says I. Hang up. A series of automated options. She is legitimate. Feel violated. Perhaps tactics need to change. They shouldn't shame and alienate you for being suspicious of fraud as they are generally the ones who instill that fear- it's called "consistent messaging".

Federal Trade Commission for the Consumer- for my small town & foreign friends. Big City West Coast Canadians are jerks. They are deplorable dope smoking hippies who will steal from you because they need their fix of el diablo de verde. Take note of late-night pizza purchases.

Project GHB -this may also be a good site for you. Oh, for fuck's sakes, just stay in.

March 03, 2005

Halakhah: The path that one walks

When I was 20, two girlfriends and I drove down to Hermosa Beach where they made me, a shikse, an honourary Jew for a day. It was good I read all that Primo Levi and Elie Wiesel, plus my rage against the machine fit well with the Zionist movement. We drove past the Spelling mansion, stopped at the Hustler Store (where I knocked over a display of anal beads), and ate at Kanter's Kibitz room where I went pee in the same toilet that Jacob Dylan peed in. Being a Jew is not too far off from being a Japanese Buddhist. You get to nervously make fun of your elders, while secretly revering and loving them. Your parents teach you how NOT to trust Anglo-Americans and how to feel guilty for everything. Also, there are certain things like the holocaust and the a-bomb that are still extremely off-limits for sarcasm.
I guess anyone who isn't a full-blown Christian is easy to relate to. Things to do on Christmas while the "Others" are busy:
  1. Go golfing - the course is almost always free and none of those goys and gaijins will be there to sandbag you
  2. Put mighty mites and whistling dixies in mandarin oranges- Is it Halloween or New Years? Us savages enjoy fire hazzards all year round.
  3. Round up your Punjabi friends and have a bhangra tailgate party at the Catholic Church's parking lot. (see here for downloads)
  4. Watch the Aloha Bowl- Pearl Stadium in Honolulu boasts roid monkeys smashing each other while a man in a striped shirt gesticulates over a brown ball. Then we eat kosher hotdogs or plain nigiris. You don't have to be Christian to be a red-neck.
  5. Call all your Christian friends when you are tripping balls on ecstacy and tell them that you have just had a threesome with the hottest Muslims ever. Be sure to use the word "Ramadan" in all sorts of lude ways.
  6. Begin planning for "our" New Year, because while Todd and Rod are celebrating their "Christ-mas", I can really get down to business with my 15-day celebration of lanterns, red-bean soup, and lychee nuts. Stupid Todd and Rod, my people are way older than your people. 2005- bah, freaking infants.

March 02, 2005


  • Oregon is the only North American state/province to have a "Death with Dignity Act" something that Bush's administration would like to see go...presumably because life is so precious and valuable and because only God and the American military can phase you out.
  • Not so...with Bush as 46th Governor of the State of Texas, death penalties were doled out like Halloween candy, with Texas leading capital punishment in the US for many years. (171 during Bush's time)
  • Now, they have a website where you can view the gender and racial statistics of death row offenders. With only 3 categories of race, Black people definitely get it bad.

Moral of this story: Not everything can be broken down into binary oppositions ie. "Euthanasia- right or wrong". Even terror alerts come in more than one is in the various shades where you'll find your own personal brand of morality...or not.

For Christians: Please stop co-opting Starbucks with your Church of David cafes. They suck-the lattes are watery, the layout is awkward, and no one listens to tapes anymore- they will NOT be the next big thing.

March 01, 2005


Originally uploaded by Suzy Perplexus.
Sometimes we get new wave nasty.


Norton Anti-Virus coupled with Symantec is my nemesis. I am applying for jobs and of course they want things faxed to them, so me having a flashy cv, I PDF it all and send it to my mom - someone I know processes in analogue. She can't print a PDF because she is afraid to download reader, and once she has reader, Norton tells her that the document has a virus. It doesn't.
  • For one thing, there is no way that someone in mass media communications should be faxing their cv,
  • and secondly there is no way that it should be in a word document. IT'S MARKETING! If your CV looks like shit, why should your projects be any different? Style over substance.
So not only is my mom a technological laggard, but so are these potential employers. Fabulous. ***NOTE TO TECHNOLOGICAL LAGGARDS: read up a little, explore your computer. Nothing will explode. Hackers don't care about your letters or your resumes. They are not looking to take normal people down - just Bill Gates.

Become an active learner. Stop watching television. It is making you passive to the point that people have to tell you how to download reader, get free programs, or even, how to start your computer. You can bitch about the good old days as much as you want, but because the rest of the world is passing you by, it is you that is being the stubborn dinosaur. (The traditionalist that you hated in your youth.)

A flying roundhouse axekick to absolutes