Chicken of Pigeons

Earlier today a pigeon flew into my internet cafe and bashed itself again the window while I screamed and covered my head. Everyone laughed at me. I'm an animal-lover, but having a molting Tenderloin pigeon graze my face is like sucking on an eyedropper full of the ebola virus. My latte had little bugs in it when I returned to the table. About an hour later, 2 homeless men got into a fight and left a trail of saliva against my window. They made amends and went away, but the saliva remains here at eye level. Chucky was a cursed doll, Christine was a cursed car and I have a cursed window seat. What are the odds?

Week of the Geek

This was the week of the geek. On Friday, Chicken John Rinaldi qualified for the Mayoral race against Mayor (Mc Dreamy) Gavin Newsom. It's a difficult decision to make; however, my love of Dammit the Wonder Dog outweighs my love of handsome philanderers.

Also on Friday, I thought that Mr. Wonderful's work party would be an intimate geek affair. At about 10 or so, the beer tap began producing a slip n' slide effect on the hardwood, the 10 girls in the room got sloppy drunk and an intern from Mozilla lit himself on fire. The poor guy had to walk around with a big hole in his back. I'm seriously considering becoming a personal stylist to the l337s.

Mayor McDreamy Screws Up

Oh Gavin Newsom (Mayor McDreamy), I liked you better when you were legalizing same sex marriage...but you had sex with a woman whose husband spent his entire life advocating for you and she was the one that felt guilty and came clean. You wear too much self-tanner and I’m upset with you.